Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
