I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
