just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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