"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
