my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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