There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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