Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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