Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
