just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
