I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
