$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
