Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
