Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesnât say âIâm in love with you and want to marry youâ idk what does
Randomize
