I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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