3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
did i walk over a car last night?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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