I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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