Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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