Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
