my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
