That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize