OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
