ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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