I puked a lego.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize