I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize