This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
