he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
