gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
