Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
