So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
