Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize