So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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