i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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