The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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