i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I supernannyed him into submission
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
