Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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