yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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