My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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