You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
