It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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