So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My vagina is officially offended.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
