dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
