Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize