All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize