I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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