It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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