i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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