Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
