You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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