what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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