Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
