fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
