She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
