i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
