a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
