I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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