there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
