but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
