yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
