i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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