lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
