The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you never un-have a 4some
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
