I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize