I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
