What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
