I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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