I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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