actually, I'm a sock model
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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