Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
