How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
