How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
