i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
