mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
