I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize